Al Prodgers Comedy ARTICLE: Sunday Tribune - I don’t cook article
Click here for the orginal article Cooking Article by Al Prodgers I DON’T COOK! Okay, I admit, I do and I like it. But I shouldn’t be allowed. For starters… (Haha! “Starters” Geddit?... Sorry.) To begin with, good cooks are focussed and methodical, qualities I became a comedian to avoid. If you could hear the static inside my head, you wouldn’t let me into a kitchen filled with sharp instruments. My wife lets me help with basic ingredient preparation while she keeps our family well fed with lots of stuff that’s “fresh” and “organic”, words that supermarkets use as a euphemism for “overpriced”. She believes you are what you eat. That may be why she says that during my bachelor years I was greasy, full of chemicals and available to be picked up at any petrol station. I’ve learned not to argue, because she’s deadly accurate with a seedless Satsuma. It cheers me up that we can now buy fruit called Satsumas, because I’d feel stupid paying twenty-five bucks for a packet of plain old naartjies. Apparently, shops are justified charging premium prices for good ingredients because cooking is the new rock & roll. I must be tone deaf. Whatever it was that gave B.B. King the blues, it wasn’t because his soufflé flopped. Jimi Hendrix wrote Purple Haze, not Brinjal Haze. And even though The Red Hot Chilli Peppers sound delicious, just one look at what they (don’t) wear on stage is all it takes to realise they never go anywhere near a hot spattering stove. What I really like about cooking is seeing how much my baby daughter enjoys eating. As she tries solid food for the first time, each new taste sensation is a wildly exciting experience. Pieces of avocado are explored, not only for texture and yumminess, but also for their aerodynamic properties. Her laughter as she watches banana slice Frisbees whiz across the kitchen, is pure delight. And her admiring smile at me when I peel a Satsuma/naartjie is feels like a standing ovation. Simple food, prepared with love and laughter. When I keep that in mind, I realise cooking isn’t about sautéed quail’s spleen. And then I do cook. With relish. Recipe: Winter Ostrich Bolognaise Ingredients: ·         1 x Bottle good red wine. (The rest is really optional.) ·         1 x Large onion (diced) ·         500g Ostrich mince ·         250g Mushrooms (sliced) ·         1 x Tin red kidney beans ·         4 x Large tomatoes (diced) ·         1 x Large carrot (grated) ·         1 x Large parsnip (diced) ·         5 x Baby marrows (sliced) ·         50ml Tomato puree ·         15ml Chutney ·         1 x Sprig fresh rosemary (wounded) ·         10ml Beef stock powder ·         2 x tsp Masala spice ·         1 x Garlic clove (crushed) ·         Freshly ground black pepper ·         Olive oil ·         4 x portions Spaghetti Preparation: Open the wine, drink, enjoy. If you like, carry on… Do all the slicing and dicing before you have too much wine. Chat with your family/friends. Get somebody to sauté the onions in a large pan until transparent. Add the masala spice. Add the ostrich mince and brown. Add the mushrooms, beans, tomatoes, carrots, parsnip, baby marrows, puree, chutney, rosemary, stock powder and garlic. Simmer for 20 minutes while drinking and socialising. Season to taste with black pepper. Did I mention wine? Cook the spaghetti in boiling, salted water. (Al dente? Good Luck!) Drain when cooked. (The spaghetti, not you!) Top the spaghetti with bolognaise and serve. (If you’ve run out of wine, there might be a beer in the fridge.)
15th August 2012
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ARTICLE: Sunday Tribune - I don’t cook article
Click here for the orginal article Cooking Article by Al Prodgers I DON’T COOK! Okay, I admit, I do and I like it. But I shouldn’t be allowed. For starters… (Haha! “Starters” Geddit?... Sorry.) To begin with, good cooks are focussed and methodical, qualities I became a comedian to avoid. If you could hear the static inside my head, you wouldn’t let me into a kitchen filled with sharp instruments. My wife lets me help with basic ingredient preparation while she keeps our family well fed with lots of stuff that’s “fresh” and “organic”, words that supermarkets use as a euphemism for “overpriced”. She believes you are what you eat. That may be why she says that during my bachelor years I was greasy, full of chemicals and available to be picked up at any petrol station. I’ve learned not to argue, because she’s deadly accurate with a seedless Satsuma. It cheers me up that we can now buy fruit called Satsumas, because I’d feel stupid paying twenty- five bucks for a packet of plain old naartjies. Apparently, shops are justified charging premium prices for good ingredients because cooking is the new rock & roll. I must be tone deaf. Whatever it was that gave B.B. King the blues, it wasn’t because his soufflé flopped. Jimi Hendrix wrote Purple Haze, not Brinjal Haze. And even though The Red Hot Chilli Peppers sound delicious, just one look at what they (don’t) wear on stage is all it takes to realise they never go anywhere near a hot spattering stove. What I really like about cooking is seeing how much my baby daughter enjoys eating. As she tries solid food for the first time, each new taste sensation is a wildly exciting experience. Pieces of avocado are explored, not only for texture and yumminess, but also for their aerodynamic properties. Her laughter as she watches banana slice Frisbees whiz across the kitchen, is pure delight. And her admiring smile at me when I peel a Satsuma/naartjie is feels like a standing ovation. Simple food, prepared with love and laughter. When I keep that in mind, I realise cooking isn’t about sautéed quail’s spleen. And then I do cook. With relish. Recipe: Winter Ostrich Bolognaise Ingredients: ·         1 x Bottle good red wine. (The rest is really optional.) ·         1 x Large onion (diced) ·         500g Ostrich mince ·         250g Mushrooms (sliced) ·         1 x Tin red kidney beans ·         4 x Large tomatoes (diced) ·         1 x Large carrot (grated) ·         1 x Large parsnip (diced) ·         5 x Baby marrows (sliced) ·         50ml Tomato puree ·         15ml Chutney ·         1 x Sprig fresh rosemary (wounded) ·         10ml Beef stock powder ·         2 x tsp Masala spice ·         1 x Garlic clove (crushed) ·         Freshly ground black pepper ·         Olive oil ·         4 x portions Spaghetti Preparation: Open the wine, drink, enjoy. If you like, carry on… Do all the slicing and dicing before you have too much wine. Chat with your family/friends. Get somebody to sauté the onions in a large pan until transparent. Add the masala spice. Add the ostrich mince and brown. Add the mushrooms, beans, tomatoes, carrots, parsnip, baby marrows, puree, chutney, rosemary, stock powder and garlic. Simmer for 20 minutes while drinking and socialising. Season to taste with black pepper. Did I mention wine? Cook the spaghetti in boiling, salted water. (Al dente? Good Luck!) Drain when cooked. (The spaghetti, not you!) Top the spaghetti with bolognaise and serve. (If you’ve run out of wine, there might be a beer in the fridge.)
15th August 2012
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